Are you investing your heart, time, and energy in your relationship but emotionally depleted? If that's the case, you may be what professionals refer to as an "overgiver."
An overgiver is one who always gives more than they get providing love, forgiveness, time, and second chances and refusing to consider their own boundaries. Initially, it may seem like devotion, but eventually, it can result in burnout, resentment, and an uneven relationship.
Science supports this. A 2014 study of 795 married couples found that relationship quality and even divorce are linked directly to how much effort each partner feels the other is expending. In short: love blossoms when effort reciprocates. When it doesn't, one partner feels unappreciated, and the relationship suffers.
So how do you know if you're trapped in the pattern of overgiving? Here are two primary indicators and how to begin altering the habit.
1. You Feel Resentful in Love
Sacrificing in relationships isn't meant to be a transaction, but rather should be balanced. Research in 2022 revealed that individuals are willing to give up more for someone they love than for friends, illustrating that love automatically brings about generosity. However, when giving is not mutual, frustrations arise.
You may find yourself thinking:
- "If I love them enough, maybe they'll finally love me the same way."
- "If I give more, perhaps they won't abandon me."
This is usually based on fear, the fear of abandonment, not being good enough, or having to "deserve" love. But the more you give and don't receive, the more drained and bitter you become.
How to rebalance:
- First, before giving, check whether it is because you genuinely want to, or because you are looking for something in return.
- Pay attention to how you feel afterwards: energized, valued, or drained?
- Monitor your habits for a week self-reflection determines if your love stems from true care or disguised fear.
Remind yourself: healthy love doesn't make you feel hollow.
2. You Always Overcompensate
Do you always end up doing more even if no one has asked you to? This might be overcompensation.
A study in Behavioral Sciences published in 2025 found that the largest fear in relationships is "not being enough." Most overgivers meet this fear by doing more, taking emotional or practical slack, and attempting to earn their worth through ongoing effort.
The reality is, love isn't something you earn, it's something you share.
Take an honest check with these questions:
- Am I giving out of fear of losing them, or out of genuine love?
- Would I still do this if I felt completely secure in the relationship?
- Am I trying to "win them back" by doing more when they pull away?
If your giving feels desperate rather than joyful, it's time to hold back. Channel some of that energy back on yourself your growth, your needs, your happiness.
Final Thoughts
Being selfish with love is lovely, but overgiving is a warning sign that you're prioritizing your partner's needs over your own in unbalanced ways. A healthy relationship is founded on harmony, not sacrifice.
If you see yourself in these signs overcompensation and resentment take a step back, inhale deeply, and begin to prioritize reciprocity. Love should be mutual, supportive, and energizing not a one-sided marathon.
Because at the end of the day, the right person won’t need you to prove your worth. They’ll see it, appreciate it, and meet you halfway.