We all flare up from time to time. Perhaps someone accidentally spills a drink over your new clothes, and instantly you're seething with rage. In the heat of the moment, emotions take charge, and you end up looking foolish, stressed, and even damaging your closest relationships.
But here's the best news: your partner can do a great deal to help soothe you. Rather than getting caught up in spiraling, the appropriate support can create calm, connection, and even a deeper relationship between you two.
Based on new research by the University of Connecticut (2025), "interpersonal emotion regulation" that lets a trusted individual help manage your feelings can prevent negativity from building up and enhance relationship satisfaction. In plain language: sometimes taking a step back and letting your partner intervene is the best decision.
So, how can your partner specifically assist you in relaxing while emotions run high? Let's outline five evidence-based strategies that can transform tension into collaboration.
1. Problem-Solving Support
When stress strikes, your partner can assist by coaching you through solutions rather than allowing you to become mired in anger. Whether brainstorming ways to correct a mistake or working to reframe the situation, problem-solving support provides you with understanding and guidance.
Example: "Okay, your shirt is destroyed, but let's take a new one or just joke about it together."
2. Empathy and Understanding
At times you don't require solutions, you simply need to be heard. A partner who responds with, "I understand how you feel" or "I'd feel that way too" assists in acknowledging your feelings. Empathy reduces defensiveness and reminds you that you are not alone.
Example: "I know that cut deep. I'd feel the same way if it was done to me."
3. Distraction and Comfort
An excellent method of stopping the overthinking vicious cycle is with a bit of distraction. Your partner can ease the tension through humor, set something fun up, or remind you of your strengths. Such comforting gestures can divert your thoughts and set you back in action.
Example: "Let's go for ice cream and forget about this."
4. Avoidance (The Temporary Break)
Surprisingly, at times, providing space is as useful as providing comfort. If feelings are too intense, your partner will back off for a bit, allowing you space to breathe. The point is that this must be temporary, not long term.
Example: "I'll give you a few minutes to cool off, then we can talk."
5. Invalidation (What Not to Do)
On the other hand, invalidating you that your feelings don't make sense or that you're overreacting just makes things worse. It does not calm you down but instead, triggers frustration. This is the one thing to avoid if you wish for harmony in your relationship.
Example: "You're being dramatic, calm down."
How to Use These Strategies in Your Relationship
Each relationship is unique. Some like to solve problems, but others need humor or empathy. The most important thing is to discuss with your partner beforehand what works best for you. That way, when the heat of the moment arrives, you both have a clue on how to approach it.
Learning emotional regulation as a couple allows them to:
- Form a deeper sense of trust and intimacy
- Heal more quickly from arguments
- Have a tighter emotional connection
Final Thoughts
Frustration and anger are inevitable, but the difference is how you deal with them as a couple. Whether empathetically, solving problems, or a lighthearted diversion, to let your partner be there for you can turn heated arguments into sources of growth.
Great relationships are not conflict-free; they are learning how to de-escalate the storm together.