Most people unwittingly get trapped in bad relationship habits because they've learned them early in life.
We learn about love and communication from early on in childhood watching the relationships around us usually our parents. Even if their relationship was far from ideal, it became our template for what "normal" is. Unfortunately, those habits tend to repeat themselves in adulthood without our knowing it.
But some of these learned behaviors can be deeply harmful. Sometimes people treat their partners poorly without understanding the emotional damage they cause. And when confronted, they might say things like, “You’re too sensitive” or “That’s just how relationships work.”
If your partner constantly does the following two things despite your discomfort, it’s a clear red flag that they may not have your emotional well-being at heart.
1. Employing Silence as Punishment
One of the most poisonous relationship behaviors is the silent treatment.
Unlike taking constructive space to de-escalate, the silent treatment is employed to punish, manipulate, or control. Your partner might refuse to take your calls, stare straight through you, or not speak with you to get some peace, but to make you feel guilty or anxious.
This pattern is usually acquired in childhood. Perhaps they witnessed one parent "ice out" the other until an apology. Or perhaps they were punished with withdrawal of emotions where love and attention were withheld until they acted "right."
Sadly, these patterns usually spill over into adult relationships, causing emotional distance and hurt.
Group Processes & Intergroup Relations research indicates that the silent treatment undermines fundamental human needs such as self-worth, belonging, and control. To be ignored by someone you love feels like emotional abandonment. Even when they are physically there, their silence makes you feel like you don't exist.
A loving partner does not respond to conflict in such a way.
If they require room, they'll be clear about it "I need some space to think for a while, but I'll return and we'll converse."
They do not ever use silence as a weapon or a means of causing you distress. They recognize that communication, not discipline, is the key to a healthy relationship.
2. Using Your Vulnerability Against You
Vulnerability is the essence of emotional closeness.
Opening up to a person about your insecurities, fears, or pain requires courage. It's a gesture of trust and one that ought to always be reciprocated with kindness.
However, in toxic relationships, there are those who weaponize vulnerability. They may ridicule your feelings, minimize your fears, or even use your insecurities against you when you fight. For instance, you open up about your anxiety, and the person responds with, "You're overreacting," or "You're too emotional."
Individuals who do so typically came up in atmospheres where emotions were belittled or devalued. They were taught that being vulnerable was risky so today, rather than having compassion for vulnerability, they attack or flee from it.
A Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study discovered that even in good relationships, vulnerability has an inherent anxiety-inducing effect. We all fear judgment or appearing vulnerable. And if we're mocked for it, it hurts but ruins trust and adds to insecurity.
A loving partner does the opposite.
They hear you out with compassion. They remind you that your emotions count. They never turn your own secret terrors against you. They guard them instead, so that you feel safe in your emotions and appreciated.
Final Thoughts
Healthy love isn't perfect, it's respectful, communicative, and empathetic.
A loving partner won't silence you as a form of punishment or distort your vulnerability into a weapon. They'll meet conflict head-on with honesty, and cradle your heart carefully when you open it to them.
Because in real love, your voice is heard, and your heart is safe.