Have you ever begged your teen to stop scrolling endlessly, only to find them glued to their phone again hours later? Or counted on a coworker to meet a deadline, just to get more excuses than results? Maybe your gym buddy promised to join your new routine and backed out last minute, again.
We’ve all been there either trying to motivate someone or struggling to follow through ourselves.
So here's the real question: How do you truly help someone stay motivated and follow through without nagging, bribing, or burning yourself out?
The surprising answer? Stop trying so hard.
Motivation Isn’t a Light Switch
Most people think of motivation as a switch either someone has it, or they don’t. And when they don’t, we try harder: we explain more, offer rewards, set consequences, or repeat ourselves louder.
But science says otherwise.
Motivation works more like an internal tug of war one part of the brain says “I should do this,” while the other says, “But I don’t feel like it.” This inner conflict is called ambivalence, and it’s the #1 reason people hesitate or give up on goals.
And here’s the twist: when we push people too hard to choose one side, it often strengthens the opposite side.
Why People Get Stuck (And What They Really Need)
Think of the last time you avoided something you knew was important making a tough call, starting a workout, or having a difficult talk. That back and forth in your head? Totally normal.
What people need isn’t more reasons to change they need help working through their inner conflict. And how we talk to them in that moment makes all the difference.
A Real-World Test: Motivation in Healthcare
To test this idea, researchers looked at a diagnostic center where patients often canceled their EEG appointments last minute.
The usual response from staff? Reminders about cancellation fees or why the appointment matters. The result? Frustration and no-shows.
So, a new approach was introduced.
The team trained staff to stop trying to persuade and instead listen with empathy. They learned that many patients weren’t “too busy” they were anxious or unsure. By acknowledging those feelings and supporting patients’ choices, the game changed.
The Outcome? Big Wins
- Cancellations dropped by up to 50%
- Patients were more likely to reschedule instead of ghosting
- Conversations were shorter, not longer
- Relationships between patients and staff **grew stronger
All because the staff learned to communicate in a more human, motivational way.
The 3 Golden Rules of Motivational Communication
These principles work everywhere at work, at home, and with friends.
1. Listen to Understand, Not to Fix
When someone opens up, reflect their concern instead of jumping to solutions.
- “It sounds like you’re worried this will take time away from your family.”
When people feel understood, they’re more likely to open up.
2. Normalize Ambivalence
Let them know it’s okay to feel torn.
- “It makes sense that you’re feeling unsure about this.”
This lowers pressure and helps them think more clearly.
3. Support Their Choice
Remind them they’re in control. Respect builds trust.
- “It’s your decision, I just want to help however I can.”
It’s Not Just Healthcare It’s Human Nature
Every conversation is a choice point a moment where someone decides whether to trust you, open up, or shut down.
When someone is stuck, you have a choice too:
- Do you push or pause?
- Advise or ask?
- Control or support?
The path you take can make or break their motivation and your connection with them.
Try It Out In Real Life
Next time someone is struggling to follow through:
- Get curious: “What’s going through your mind about this?”
- Acknowledge the struggle: “That sounds tough.”
- Normalize their conflict: "It makes sense to feel this way.
- Support their process: “What would make this easier for you?”
The Truth About Motivation
Here’s the big takeaway:
You can’t give someone motivation but you can help them find it inside themselves.
When we stop trying to pressure people and start supporting their own thinking, something powerful happens: they feel respected, understood, and empowered. That’s when real change begins.
And just like one healthcare team learned, the best way to inspire someone… is to be human first.