Words are always evolving to compensate for how we live. In the last ten years, new words have become part of our everyday language mental load, emotional labor, cognitive labor, invisible work, physical tasks all referring to the unseen work that makes the household hum.
The issue? These words get confused with each other. Folks use them in place of one another, which muddles their actual definition. So, what's actually the difference between emotional labor and mental load? And how do they connect to the other forms of domestic work we do every single day?
This handbook deconstructs the four big categories of household responsibilities, so that we can finally communicate about the unseen work that impacts us all.
1. Physical Tasks: The Work You Can See
Physical tasks are the observable tasks that can be ticked off on a list such as cooking supper, washing the vehicle, laundry, vacuuming, or grocery shopping.
They’re straightforward: start, finish, done. And many of us feel a small sense of accomplishment when the task is complete. Think about how satisfying it feels when the house smells clean after a deep vacuum, or when the yard looks fresh after raking leaves.
Some work is routine, such as cooking or childcare, while other work is periodic, such as mowing the lawn or paying the bills. At times, they can even be pleasant like gardening while hearing music, for instance. But let's face it, some tasks can be depleting, too, particularly when they are repetitive or something you wouldn't want to do.
2. Cognitive Labor: The Mental Planning Work
If physical labor is the "doing," intellectual labor is the "thinking." Sociologist Allison Daminger describes it as the intellectual labor involved in family tasks. It encompasses:
- Foreseeing needs
- Investigating alternatives
- Deciding
- Assessing consequences
For instance, a mother organizing summer vacation doesn't simply "sign up kids for camp." She looks ahead to the 10-week vacation, surveys camps, weighs prices, monitors registration deadlines, organizes with grandparents, and then evaluates if those decisions panned out.
This is the project management aspect of family life. With physical work, there's usually a feeling of finish. Cognitive labor is like juggling plates you're always working to keep them all in the air without one crashing.
3. Emotional Labor: The Feelings We Manage
Described by sociologist Arlie Hochschild in 1983, emotional labor is the unseen work of keeping feelings under control both your own and others'.
It consists of two parts:
1. Managing your own emotions – remaining calm to maintain the peacefulness of the household, even when tired.
2. Managing other people's emotions – expecting how children, spouses, or relatives may feel and adapting to safeguard their happiness.
Use back-to-school shopping for instance. The cognitive work is getting the supply list, organizing the trip to the store, and purchasing the items. But emotional labor is ensuring your child receives the precise backpack or markers they desire so they'll feel comfortable strutting into class on Day 1.
It's not about the act of purchasing supplies, it's about enabling someone to feel loved, cared for, and emotionally prepared.
4. Mental Load: Where Everything Comes Together
Mental load is where cognitive work and emotional work overlap. It's the perpetual, unseen pressure of having everything in your mind while also managing the emotional burden of taking care of loved ones.
Researchers Leah Ruppanner and others define mental load as:
- Invisible – nobody else ever sees it, but it never ends.
- Boundaryless – it goes with you wherever you are: home, job, vacation, even in your dreams.
- Never-ending – as opposed to tasks with a finish line, mental load is continuous.
It's like "thinking emotional labor." That's why you'll lie awake at night recalling that you missed signing school paperwork or spend your vacation still fretting about what's going on back home.
Why This Matters
Knowing the distinction between mental load, emotional labor, cognitive labor, and physical work provides us with more precise language for the work that is invisible and usually overlooked. These distinctions do not only appear in the home they appear in the workplace, in volunteer work, and in community obligations.
Naming them allows us to share them more effectively, prevent burnout, and establish healthier balance in our everyday lives.