Back to school season often brings excitement but for many kids, it also brings a wave of stress and overthinking. As a child psychologist, I’ve seen how overthinking can drain kids of their confidence, energy, and joy. It not only affects children but leaves parents feeling emotionally worn out too.
The best news? Parents can change children from worried overthinking to more relaxed, confident thinking using the right strategy. Rather than providing constant reassurance, you can support your child with easy strategies for developing resilience and self-confidence. I refer to this role as being a "mindset mentor" and you don't have to be perfect to be one. You simply have to be present.
Here are four powerful examples of how parents made small but life-altering changes to help their children cope with overthinking and anxiety.
1. From Constant Reassurance to Teaching Self-Reassurance
Parent Change: Carla quit over-reassuring and helped her son learn self-confidence.
Carla's 11-year-old son Jake consistently asked the same questions in the morning before going off to school:
- "Mom, did I study enough?"
- "Do you think I'll do well on my test?
Initially, Carla attempted to soothe him with love and reason, but the fear only intensified. We both attempted something new. Rather than responding, she said:
"Let's ask your calm voice what it thinks."
"What would you say to a friend who felt this way?"
This minor adjustment empowered Jake to reassure himself. Eventually, he developed confidence within rather than relying solely on his mom's reassurances.
2. From Fixing Everything to Sitting with Emotions
Parent Shift: Marcus no longer hurried to "fix" his daughter's anxiety and opted for empathy instead.
Nine year old Zoe would freeze whenever she feared she was going to get an answer wrong in class. Marcus's initial reaction was to quickly correct her errors. But this only made Zoe shut down more.
The next time, Marcus did something different. He sat down beside her and said:
This is your perfectionist side speaking, isn't it? I get that too sometimes in the workplace."
Rather than cutting her off, he remained with her feelings. Zoe felt heard and from that secure place, she not only learned math but also how to manage her anxiety without fear.
3. From Racing Thoughts to Soothing the Nervous System
Parent Shift: Priya substituted logic with grounding strategies.
Twelve-year-old Lily tended to spiral at night with nighttime worries such as:
- "What if Grandma gets sick again?"
- "What if I don't sleep and fail my test?"
Priya used to attempt to reason with her, but it always failed. So we added grounding skills instead:
- Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
- Holding something cold, such as a cold water bottle
- Labeling thoughts as "stuck thoughts" and putting them away for later
These strategies helped Lily relax her body and end the pattern of overthinking.
4. From Observing "Attitude" to Discovering Veiled Anxiety
Parent Shift: Lauren understood her son's defiance as caused by overthinking.
Fourteen-year-old Devin was a procrastinator who wouldn't begin homework. Initially, Lauren suspected he was lazy or in a rebellious mood. But beneath, Devin's anxiety manifested as follows:
- "What if I blow it?"
- "What if it's not good enough?"
Rather than nagging, Lauren stated:
"Sounds like your brain is chasing perfection. Want to talk back to that voice together?"
This move allowed Devin to feel heard, not judged so that he could more easily start projects without fear of messing up.
Final Thoughts:
Helping your child break free of overthinking is not a matter of providing infinite reassurance but of leading them with calm strategies, compassion, and presence. You don't need to be a therapist to do this. By being your child's mindset mentor, you equip them with tools to overcome challenges with confidence and resilience.
The change is slight, but the impact is life-changing.