We've all heard the tale: a person in a relationship is unhappy because they're not getting enough sex and the message is as clear as mud. More sex = more happiness, right?
But is it really true in reality? Can more sex actually make you happier?
Let's take a look at what the studies say and why the actual answer is bigger than just numbers.
The Science: More Sex = More Smiles?
There are a few studies that find a positive relationship between sex and happiness. One large study by Blanchflower and Oswald (2004) of more than 16,000 adults discovered that individuals who engaged in sex with greater frequency were more satisfied with life. Even having more sex from a monthly occurrence to a weekly occurrence had positive effects less stress, healthier emotional bonds, and even greater success beyond the bedroom (such as at work!).
Yet another massive study by Muise, Schimmack, and Impett (2016) supported this. Their evidence of more than 25,000 individuals indicated that having sex once a week was the optimal point for increasing happiness in couples. Beyond that? Surprisingly, it did not add to happiness very much.
Studies by Meltzer et al. (2017) also concluded that regular sex made the couples feel closer to and happier with each other, resulting in greater overall life satisfaction.
Yes, so there is good evidence that sex particularly regular, significant sex can improve your mood and strengthen your bond with your partner.
The Dark Side: When More Sex Doesn't Help
But hold on other studies have a different tale to tell.
In a 2015 experiment, scientists Loewenstein and others had couples double their sex frequency. What happened? Less happiness, not more. The couples actually reported liking sex less, and their well-being did not get better. Why? More pressure to make sex happen could have made them see it as a drudgery rather than an enjoyment.
Another research work by Schoenfeld et al. (2017) discovered that it's not about how much sex you have but how good it is. Couples who experienced fewer, yet better-quality sexual encounters were happier compared to couples who had many, but not very satisfying, sex.
Are We Even Asking the Right Question?
Perhaps we're worrying about quantity too much.
It's not "how often" but why, how, and with whom. Increased sex will not solve emotional distance, conflict, or communication issues. If your relationship is broken by trust issues, stress, health issues, or not feeling emotionally connected, more sex will not suddenly make you happier.
And let's not forget: not all happiness from sex is partnered sex. Masturbation and solo pleasure count too. A study by Brody (2010) revealed that even masturbation can enhance mood in some individuals. So, it's not only about being part of a relationship it's about connection, consent, and comfort, with or without another.
What Couples Should Really Pay Attention To
So, will more sex make you happy?
Sometimes yes but not always.
This is what does make a difference:
- Emotional connection: Feeling safe, understood, and close
- Mutual desire: Both people craving sex not just doing it because they feel pressured to
- Satisfaction over frequency: Quality every time over quantity
- Healthy communication: Open discussion about desires and boundaries
- Understanding lifestyle factors: Stress, health, and life changes all affect sex drive
Studies have found once per week may be the sweet spot for most couples but only if it's consensual, enjoyable, and emotionally fulfilling.
Last Thoughts: It's Not a Numbers Game
Sex can definitely be fun, intimate, and even stress-reducing. But actual happiness in a relationship is about feeling connected, valued, and authentic whether in or out of the bedroom.
So rather than pursuing a magic number, work on establishing trust, open communication, and checking in on what feels good for both of you.
Because ultimately, joy arises from connection not a calendar.