Ever wondered why people can be so kind one moment and so cruel the next? Why we crave deep connection but also fiercely guard our independence?
That’s the puzzle of being human. And to truly understand ourselves and the people around us, we need to go back to the beginning to what truly makes us human.
What Is Basic Humanity?
At the heart of who we are lies something powerful: basic humanity our natural ability to care about others.
From the moment we’re born, we are wired to connect. Babies can sense the emotions of their parents. And unless there's a neurological issue, this early bond grows into genuine concern for others.
This core human value caring for others leads to kindness, respect, support, and even heroic acts of sacrifice. It allows us to grow beyond our own experiences, biases, and pain to see the value in others.
And here’s the kicker: when we lose touch with this basic humanity, we start to feel lost. We feel less human.
The Inner Conflict: Love vs. Freedom
Humans are different from other animals in one huge way: we want to be free but we also want to deeply connect.
We want to make our own decisions, live on our terms, think, feel, and act independently. But we also want to rely on others and have them rely on us for love, help, and safety.
That constant push and pull between autonomy and connection can cause inner tension. Leaning too far in one direction makes us feel trapped or lonely. Balance is everything.
The Struggle Between Compassion and Aggression
Here’s another contradiction: we are capable of deep love and destructive anger.
Even toddlers show this mix. One moment they’re cuddling a toy, the next they’re throwing it across the room. This isn’t evil, it’s just raw emotional expression. But if not guided gently, aggression can grow and hurt others in serious ways.
As adults, this contradiction plays out in our homes, our relationships, our workplaces and yes, in our politics and society at large.
One powerful story sums it up beautifully:
- A young boy asked his grandfather how a good man could also be so cruel.
- The wise old man replied, “Inside each of us, there’s a wolf that’s angry and selfish and a spirit that’s kind and loving. They are always fighting.”
- The boy asked, “Which one wins?”
- The grandfather smiled, “The one you feed.”
Ego vs. Values: The Fight for Authenticity
We all have an ego a version of ourselves we want others to see. It tries to protect us from pain like guilt, fear, or shame.
But here’s the twist: those “vulnerable” feelings are actually helpful. They’re part of our natural defense system. Fear keeps us alert. Guilt and shame push us to do the right thing. Sadness shows us what matters most.
When we let ego take over, we start ignoring these helpful signals. We chase approval and forget what truly matters: our values. And when that happens, we feel disconnected and fake.
Living by values brings peace. It makes us feel real, whole, and grounded.
Feelings Are Not Facts, Values Are Your Anchor
Feelings come and go. They can be intense, but they’re usually reactions to a moment, a memory, or even just being tired or hungry.
Values, on the other hand, are long-lasting. They reflect who we truly are not just what we’re feeling right now.
If we act only on feelings, we risk saying or doing things we later regret. But if we act on values even when our emotions are strong we build a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.
Try this shift:
- “I feel like yelling, but I’ll choose to listen.”
- “I feel like quitting, but I’ll keep trying.”
- “I feel hurt, but I’ll speak with kindness.”
This mindset transforms everything.
Coming Back to What Matters Most
We all face internal contradictions. We all get stuck between what we feel and what we believe.
But when life gets confusing, come back to the foundation your basic humanity.
It’s your built-in compass. It’s the part of you that cares, connects, forgives, and grows. Feed that part of you. Nurture it in others.
Because in the end, it’s not ego, aggression, or pride that makes us human, it’s our ability to love, to understand, and to keep showing up with compassion.