If the term "sexless marriage" sounds a little dramatic you’re not alone. It often brings to mind images of separate bedrooms, cold silence, or lingering resentment. But the truth is far more common and far less black and white.
Research shows that around 10 to 20% of married couples in the U.S. and having sex less than 10 times a year doesn’t That’s the common benchmark for what’s called a sexless marriage. Still, many experts argue that calling it “low-sex” or avoiding labels altogether makes more sense.
Whether you call it sexless or not, one thing is clear: It’s normal for the spark to fade, especially as life gets busier. But that doesn’t always mean there’s a problem in your relationship.
Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?
No couple suddenly decides to stop being intimate. Instead, it usually happens over time. First, it’s sleepless nights with a newborn. Then it’s work stress, family duties, health concerns, aging even too much Netflix. In short, life takes over.
But it’s not just about physical exhaustion. Emotional and mental factors like stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship tension can kill desire. Hormonal changes, chronic illness, and certain medications can also make intimacy feel like a distant memory.
In some cases, both partners lose interest in sex. In others, one still wants it while the other doesn’t leading to mismatched libidos. If this isn’t talked about with love and honesty, feelings of rejection and guilt can pile up. Before you know it, your bedroom becomes a place of avoidance, not connection.
Is a Sexless Marriage a Bad Sign?
That depends on how you and your partner feel about it.
Some couples are perfectly happy in a low or no-sex relationship. They feel close, loved, and fulfilled in other ways. If that sounds like you, there’s no rule that says you need to change.
However, studies show that couples who have sex about once a week report higher levels of happiness and relationship satisfaction. But remember that’s just an average. What works for some couples might not work for you.
The real problem comes when one partner wants intimacy and the other doesn’t. This often leads to feelings of loneliness, frustration, or confusion. The good news? A stalled sex life can absolutely be restarted.
How to Bring Back Desire, According to Experts
Reigniting physical intimacy takes time, communication, and compassion. Here’s what helps:
Start the Conversation Gently
Avoiding the topic won’t help. Instead of asking, “Why aren’t we having sex anymore?” try saying, “I miss being close to you.” It’s a gentler way to start the conversation without blaming.
Understand That Ups and Downs Are Normal
Sexual desire naturally changes over the years. A period without sex doesn’t mean your relationship is over it just shows you’re human. Stay emotionally connected and curious, not critical.
Redefine Intimacy
True connection goes beyond the bedroom. Hugs, kisses, laughing together, holding hands all of this counts. Keeping that emotional and physical bond strong lays the foundation for more, if and when you're ready.
Consider Professional Support
Sex therapy or couples counseling can work wonders even just a few sessions. A therapist can help you understand what’s really going on and give you tools to reconnect.
Final Thoughts: It’s Not About Frequency, It’s About Connection
A sexless marriage isn’t a failed marriage. It may just be one that needs a little extra attention and care.
For some, desire returns after an honest chat or a relaxing getaway. For others, it might involve relearning how to be intimate emotionally before things heat up physically. And for a few, it means building a new definition of what intimacy means in their lives.
What matters most isn’t how often you’re having sex it’s whether you and your partner feel seen, loved, and appreciated.
So if the passion has faded in your relationship, don’t panic. Get curious. Start talking. And most importantly know you’re not alone.
Need a little push to reconnect? I’m here when you’re ready.