If their energy comes in waves, if their words sound sweet but lack action, and if their presence feels more convenient than constant this might be the wake-up call you need.
Some people don’t really want a relationship.
They want emotional support on their terms.
They’ll text you like clockwork, flirt just enough to keep the spark alive, and vent about their bad days. But when it’s time to talk about where things are going? They disappear. Suddenly, they're “not ready,” “not looking,” or “not in the right headspace.”
If this sounds familiar, here are three major red flags that reveal you’re giving your heart to someone who isn't ready to give theirs:
1. They Set All the Rules But Expect Your Loyalty
They want things “casual,” yet expect you to act like you’re exclusive.
You're always there, emotionally present, but they keep one foot out the door.
This isn’t love it’s control.
Researchers call this an Asymmetrical Commitment a one-sided relationship where one person wants more than the other is willing to give. According to a 2019 study in Family Process, these types of relationships lead to confusion, frustration, and emotional burnout.
They say, “I’m not ready for something serious,” but they still want your time, your texts, your loyalty. If you start pulling away, they act offended.
Their expectations don’t match their effort and that’s not fair to you.
You’re not a placeholder. You deserve real commitment, not emotional crumbs.
2. They Only Show Up When It’s Easy for Them
You're there for them consistently.
But they only appear when it suits them. You support them when they’re low, but when you need them? They vanish. Excuses like “I’ve just been busy” or “Life is chaotic” roll in like clockwork.
The truth is, people make time for what’s important to them.
If you’re only a priority when it’s convenient, they’re not really invested.
A 2015 review in Frontiers in Psychology emphasizes that healthy emotional connection is based on consistency, mutual care, and responsiveness.
Without those, the relationship becomes exhausting you feel like you're doing all the work just to keep the connection alive.
And guess what? If they're also keeping their ex around “as friends,” chances are they’re avoiding true closure with them and maybe with you too.
You don’t have to keep showing your value to someone who won’t commit.
3. Their Signals Are Always Mixed
One moment they say it’s casual… the next, they act like you’re the love of their life.
You try to pull back, and suddenly they come closer. You try to set clear limits, and they come back acting overly emotional.
They say, “I want you in my life forever,” but they never make you a real priority.
This push and pull isn’t passion it’s emotional confusion.
This kind of behavior often stems from cognitive dissonance a fancy term for when people act in ways that don’t match their words. A 2013 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people who feel conflicted in their behavior often try to reduce that tension by rewriting their narrative.
So while they say they don’t want anything serious, their actions tell a different story. But those mixed messages aren’t love they’re a trap that keeps you hooked and doubting yourself.
Bottom Line: You Deserve More
If you’re seeing these signs, don’t ignore them.
You have the power to walk away, take a step back, or speak up for your needs.
Whatever you choose choose yourself first.
Stop giving your time and energy to someone who isn’t fully there.
You’re not too much. You’re not asking for too much.
You’re just asking the wrong person.