In light of recent allegations against rap mogul Sean Combs, we have an opportunity to reflect and teach our teens valuable lessons about trust, safety, and relationships. This unsettling situation highlights crucial concerns, especially for young people navigating dating, whether online or in person. It’s essential for parents to begin conversations early about recognizing red flags and forming healthy relationships.
Trust Your Gut
Trust is key in any relationship, starting from the first interaction on a dating app or meeting someone at school or a party. Without knowing someone well, we make judgments based on appearances and initial impressions. It’s important to teach teens that trust is not just a feeling, but something earned over time.
Often, feelings of doubt arise in our gut before our mind catches up. These instinctive reactions help keep us safe and grounded. Teens need to learn to listen to that inner voice, even when it’s clouded by attention, compliments, attraction, or gifts. Many people now say they sensed something was off about Diddy long before these allegations emerged, showing how gut feelings can serve as early warnings.
Two Dangerous Personality Traits to Watch For
Before forming friendships or dating someone, teens should learn to recognize harmful behaviors that might indicate serious issues. Personality disorders are patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that often appear in late adolescence or early adulthood. These habits are fixed, making it hard for the person to adjust to new situations or keep healthy relationships. Recognizing these traits can help teens make safer choices.
If someone shows multiple warning signs, it’s important to decline invitations, gifts, or attention. Teaching teens to recognize these red flags and set firm boundaries can protect them from future harm.
1. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
Often referred to as "sociopathy," ASPD is marked by a long-term disregard for others' rights, along with manipulation, impulsivity, aggression, dishonesty, and a lack of remorse. People with ASPD often manipulate or deceive others without feeling guilt or empathy.
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
NPD is characterized by a lack of empathy and a need for constant admiration. Some key traits include:
- Grandiosity: Thinking you're better or more important than others.
- Need for Admiration: Craving continuous praise and approval.
- Lack of Empathy: Showing little concern for others' feelings or needs.
- Entitlement: Expecting to receive special treatment or benefits.
- Arrogance: Showing off or acting superior to others.
- Manipulative Behavior: Using others for personal gain without regard for their well-being.
- Preoccupation with Success or Power: Obsessing over fantasies of wealth, power, or beauty.
- Envy: Feeling jealous of others or thinking others are jealous of them.
- Superficial Charm: Being attractive or charming but only to manipulate others.
While only trained professionals can diagnose these personality disorders, understanding these traits can empower teens to protect themselves from unhealthy relationships.
Five Red Flags to Watch For
Recognizing warning signs early can help teens avoid unhealthy or potentially dangerous relationships. Here are five tips to consider before trusting anyone who wants to get close.
1. Eyes
If someone regularly wears sunglasses indoors or in their profile pictures, be cautious. Unless there's a medical reason, covering the eyes might suggest they don’t want you to see their true intentions. Trust grows through open communication, and not making eye contact can suggest secrecy or dishonesty.
2. Name and Self Image
Pay attention to how someone refers to themselves. Do they use grandiose nicknames or speak about themselves in the third person? Titles that highlight importance or authority can be a sign of an inflated ego. Custom clothing, tattoos, and online identities like gaming usernames or social media handles can say a lot about a person's values and personality (for example, names like "Bad Boy" might reflect certain self-views).
3. Posture and Presence
Notice how they act in social situations. Do they walk ahead of others, expecting attention, and treat people like an entourage? A dominating presence often indicates a need for control and a lack of respect for others. For example, if a boyfriend walks quickly ahead of his partner, it might show he doesn’t care about her feelings or the people around him.
4. Coping Skills
How does this person handle stress? Coping habits reveal emotional maturity. Heavy drinking, drug use, engaging in pornography, or constantly scrolling social media are red flags. Actions speak louder than words if someone claims to value family but mostly posts about material possessions or partying, take note. Asking about their views on counseling, self-improvement, and mindfulness practices is a great way to gauge their self-awareness. If they’re unwilling to seek help, show vulnerability, or accept support, it could signal poor emotional regulation.
5. Treatment of Others
Observe how they treat people outside their inner circle like waitstaff, cashiers, or parking attendants. Do they show kindness, respect, and patience? Or do they act entitled, condescending, or dismissive? Someone who mistreats or mocks strangers often lacks empathy and respect, behaviors that can quickly extend to those closer to them. Simple acts like holding doors, offering genuine smiles, and waiting patiently reflect humility and respect.
Trust Takes Time
Trust should be seen as something that develops over time rather than something given freely at the start of a relationship. By recognizing these red flags and teaching teens to identify early signs of unhealthy behavior, we can empower them to build relationships that are safe, supportive, and based on mutual respect.
By fostering open conversations about trust, respect, and emotional safety, we prepare our teens to navigate the world of dating and relationships with confidence and care.