A childhood friend? A colleague who became like family? Or did you immediately think of your romantic partner?
A number of surprising findings from research, however, indicate that only few people consider a romantic partner as a best friend, even when they're happily in love. This is where the overlap of love with friendship tells us a lot about how our relationships really work.
Friendship vs. Romantic Relationship
On the surface, the distinction would appear self-evident: friendships are usually non-romantic, while romantic relationships involve an emotional and physical connection. Yet, real life is seldom quite so simple.
Some couples do not have sex, whereas some friends do; for example, those who are friends-with-benefits. So, often the lines get blurred.
Both friendships and romantic relationships share major things in common:
- Companionship
- Emotional support
- Trust and openness
- Sharing life updates and personal details
No surprise, around two-thirds of the couples of today initiate their relationships with friendship. (Stinson et al., 2022)
Your best friend doesn't need to be your partner
We often share our deepest secrets, biggest news, and most vulnerable moments with a best friend. Of course, that best friend isn’t your partner, but all it means is that you have a wider circle of emotional support, which is a good thing according to the convoy model of social relations Antonucci et al., 2014).
More close connections = more support when life gets tough.
However, when a person replaces a best friend with a romantic partner, this can shrink their support system and leave them with fewer people to rely on.
It's Actually Rare for Partners to Be Best Friends
A U.S. study of around 900 people in relationships found that:
- Only one-third naturally described their romantic partner as a “friend.”
- Only 14% said their partner is their “best friend.”
- Over 60 percent did not list their partner at all when naming their friends.
What makes one more likely to view their partner as their best friend?
Factors increasing this likelihood include
• Being unmarried:
Interestingly, married people were less likely to regard their partner as their best friend.
• Being older:
For every 10-year increase in age, the likelihood of viewing a partner as a best friend increased 4–5%.
• Having lower income.
For every $10,000 increase in income, there was a 3% decrease associated with viewing a partner as a best friend.
What Happens When Your Partner Is Your Best Friend?
People who see their partner as their best friend often find it easier to meet their companionship needs. One person fills many roles lover, confidant, friend, supporter. Yet the same research also indicated that social support might be more difficult to access in such a setting. When all emotional needs fall on one person, it may limit outside support and put extra pressure on the relationship.
One Person, Many Roles But With Limits
Deep relationships require time, energy, and emotional investment. When life gets busy, having one person to fill both roles may be efficient and comforting. But this closeness can also become a drawback. depending on only one person means:
- fewer people to seek help from
- less outside perspective
- A greater risk of overpowering your partner