It is emotionally draining to deal with a rude or entitled adult child. Parents are caught between the desire to support their children and being drained by incessant disrespect, arguments, and demands.
If you've ever gotten a text or had an angry argument that left you feeling like a "bad parent" because your child blew up, you're in good company. Many adult children behave out of frustration, stress, or lack of responsibility. But here's the thing: you don't have to continue accepting disrespect.
By enforcing healthy boundaries and practicing responsibility, you can transform conflict into growth for you and your child.
Here are three effective, real-life strategies that have empowered thousands of parents to change their relationship with entitled or rude adult children.
1. Stand Firm and Model Respect
Respect has to go both ways. If your adult child regularly belittles you, disregards your needs, or exploits your kindness, it's time to establish the tone.
???? What to do: Calm down, but don't put up with rudeness. Be assertive in expressing that you value respectful communication and that you won't play along when disrespected.
Example:
Conchetta's 30-year-old son Manny always insisted on her assistance and belittled her when she couldn't come through. Through coaching, she came to see that until she modeled respect and established boundaries, things would not change.
She asserted herself to Manny that she would not tolerate being talked back to in this manner and would not assist him until he spoke to her with respect. Manny resisted at first, but eventually, he learned that it was only when respect was exchanged between the two of them that their relationship functioned.
Lesson: By standing firm, you show your child how to respect you and themselves.
2. Create and Enforce Healthy Boundaries
Entitlement increases when there are no boundaries. Always giving in whether money, work, or excuses you inadvertently show your child that responsibility is irrelevant.
What to do: Be explicit about what's okay and hold firm. Don't compromise the rules when they protest.
Example:
Adalene, 25, lived with her parents, shirked domestic chores, and relied on her mom, Leanne, to pay her bills. Leanne felt exhausted and gave Adalene a firm warning: find employment and contribute in two months' time, or leave home.
Adalene blew her top initially, telling her mom she didn't care. But Leanne remained firm. In a matter of weeks, Adalene found part-time work and progressively became more self-sufficient.
Lesson: Boundaries can feel tension-causing initially, but they're the basis of respect and responsibility.
3. Foster Responsibility Rather Than Dependence
Most entitled adult children have parents as a bank account to fall back on. Rescuing them occasionally is acceptable, but rescuing them always hinders development.
What to do: Move away from enabling towards empowering. Provide resources, not bailouts.
Example:
Sasha and Bella were continuously paying for their 28-year-old daughter Jenny's bills. Knowing that they were allowing her to continue her bad money management, they quit paying her bills. They offered to assist her with budgeting instead and introduced her to a financial planner.
It wasn't a quick solution Jenny struggled initially but she eventually became responsible with her own money choices and acquired valuable skills.
Lesson: Allowing your adult child to experience consequences might be uncomfortable for you, but it increases their resilience and self-reliance.
Final Thoughts
Parenting adult children is one of the toughest parenting jobs particularly when disrespect and entitlement become the focus. But by:
- Being firm and showing respect
- Making and maintaining healthy boundaries
- Promoting responsibility rather than dependence
…you can restore a healthier, more respectful relationship.
Remember: these tactics aren't punishing your child. They're teaching them towards maturity, autonomy, and real emotional development.
If the struggle seems too much, try to seek guidance from a parent or family therapist. With the proper technique, your relationship can transition from chaos to connection.