A few years ago, my brother was promoted to Captain with the fire department around his 40th birthday. When I called to congratulate him, he nonchalantly said something surprising: "I had a salad for lunch today."
That cracked me up, the same man who has been a meat-eating hunter since his teenage years. I teased him playfully and asked him if he was on a diet. He said, "Not quite. I'm simply getting into shape to be Captain. I want to feel like one before I take over the position."
That left an impression with me.
He wasn't anticipating the title to begin altering his ways. He was already transforming into the man he needed to be before the actual change occurred. That little change of heart made me reflect: genuine transformation does not begin when life modifies but rather when we do.
The Power of Daily Habits in Shaping Identity
We all get a notion of what we imagine our lives will be like. Maybe it's a successful career, richer relationships, healing from emotions, or a greater sense of purpose becoming your best self isn't about the ideal timing. It's about making the small, steady decisions every day.
Those small choices such as substituting a salad for fast food or taking a 10-minute walk instead of watching another show on Netflix may not feel significant. But they are massive. They actually represent something profound: "This is who I am becoming."
Becoming Before Arriving
In my own journey, I've worked years to create a life that has meaning. The specifics have changed over time, but this one thing has remained the same: the passion to apply my growth to assist others in growing as well.
What's served me well is not always motivation or ideal situations. It's the quiet, provocative question:
"Who am I becoming in this process?"
We tend to think that we will be ready at last when all around us is settled when we've gotten the job, secured the perfect partner, or overcome past hurts. But true readiness begins within. It appears when we begin making choices that are in line with who we are long before success happens on the outside.
Your Mindset Matters More Than You Think
There's a psychological principle of self-concept and cognitive congruence. In plain terms: we act in ways consistent with the way we perceive ourselves. When there's a space, for instance, you want to be confident but you're still thinking from a place of fear, that's where tension resides. But as we make gradual changes in our self-image through action in our daily lives, that gap starts to disappear.
This is the foundation of real personal growth. Not because you “fixed” yourself, but because you grew into the next version of you step by step, day by day.
From Therapy Room to Real Life: How Change Actually Begins
As a therapist, I often meet people who want more from life a healthier relationship, more confidence, or just clarity about what comes next. And here’s what I’ve learned:
Transformation doesn't start with repairing everything. It starts with establishing the proper environment for transformation.
Similarly, a seed requires light, water, and room to grow. We require the emotional equivalent self-compassion, curiosity, patience, and support. Without them, even the greatest intentions may remain lodged.
And whereas seeds have no stories, unresolved wounds, or doubt, we do. Therefore, it is worth asking:
"What am I still clinging to that's preventing me from growing?"
Not to judge ourselves but to lovingly recognize what requires love, not fixing.
You Don't Need Permission to Become Who You Want to Be
We wait for the "perfect time" to be ready but it doesn't go like that. Readiness builds with every step you take. Even if you're not sure. Even if you're terrified.
My brother didn't wait to feel like a Captain. He acted like one before it was official.
And we can do the same.
You don't need a job title, a relationship status, or someone else's validation to begin becoming who you want to be. All it takes is deciding one small thing today that reflects who you want to become.
That's what manifesting really is.
It's not dreaming, it's becoming.
So if you're looking for a sign, here it is. Begin living as the version of you that already possesses the li nife you wish for.
Final Thought
It takes time to become your ideal self, not a quick jump. A salad with lunch. A courageous conversation with someone new. A choice to love yourself just a bit more today than you did yesterday.
Because in the end, it's not about being someone you're not.
It’s about stepping fully into the person you’re already becoming.