Why trying to “fix” everything might do more harm than good and what to do instead.
If you’re a parent, you know the urge. Your child is struggling, upset, or stuck and your instinct is to jump in and fix it. You offer advice, solve the problem, smooth it over. After all, that’s what good parents do, right?
Not always.
In fact, the constant need to fix things for your child can quietly chip away at their confidence and emotional growth. It comes from love but sometimes, love shows up better as support, not solutions.
Let’s break down why this habit is so common and what a better, more empowering response looks like at every age.
Not Every Problem Needs a Fix Just Your Presence
Take Jax, age 7. He worked hard on a Lego tower, only to watch it crash to the floor. His mom rushed in with glue and tape, ready to make it right. But what Jax really needed wasn’t repair, it was comfort.
A simple, “That really stinks. Want to rebuild it together later?” would have gone a lot further in helping him bounce back and believe in himself.
Parenting tip: Your calm presence teaches resilience more than any quick fix can.
Lead With Empathy, Not Solutions
Lila, age 10, shared with her dad that no one played with her at recess. His response? “Why not try a different game or talk to someone new?” Logical advice but not what she needed.
What Lila needed most was to feel heard. A simple, “That sounds really tough” could’ve made her feel seen and understood.
Emotional support for kids begins with empathy, not strategies.
Pressure Kills Progress
Miles, 11, froze while staring at his writing homework. “It’s going to be terrible,” he said. His parents, worried he was procrastinating, pushed him to finish it.
But what Miles needed wasn’t pressure it was permission to be imperfect. A reminder that it’s okay to struggle sometimes, and that a single grade doesn’t define him.
Support your child’s confidence by accepting their fears instead of pushing them away.
Sometimes, Silence Says the Most
After a long day, 14-year-old Sophia snapped at her parents. They responded with a lecture on respect.
What she really needed? A calm voice and a little space. “You seem overwhelmed. I’m here when you’re ready” would have given her room to breathe and reconnect.
When emotions run high, gentle parenting techniques like silence and patience can work wonders.
Let Them Own Their Journey
Eli, 18, came home defeated after bombing a college interview. His mom immediately wanted to reach out to the admissions office on his behalf.
But that well-meaning gesture sent the wrong message that she didn’t trust him to bounce back. What Eli needed was reassurance: “I believe in you. This is just one step in your story.”
Building independence in teens means letting them face setbacks and showing faith in their ability to recover.
What To Do Instead of Fixing Everything
Here’s what truly helps children grow strong and confident:
Be Present – Listen without jumping in. Stay calm and grounded.
Validate Feelings – “That sounds really hard” goes further than “Here’s what to do.”
Empower, Don’t Rescue – Let them try, fail, and try again. That’s how real confidence grows.
Final Thought: Connection First, Always
Want to raise a confident, emotionally resilient child? It starts by pressing pause on the urge to fix and choosing connection instead.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to show up, stay close, and believe in your child’s ability to find their way.
Because more than a fixer, what they really need is you.